It’s barrel scraping time!

I’m into the final few days of NaBloPoMo, and I’m pretty fed up of it now. I’ve spent most of my free time in the past month trying to think of something interesting or clever to say. I’m bored of trying to be interesting or clever. I want to go back to playing computer games.

My brain-to-post ratio has actually been gratifyingly high, meaning that the majority of ideas have actually made it into fully developed (or at least partially developed) pieces. But some concepts I came up with sat in the draft folder in state that was not so much half-baked as basically still raw dough.

So with apologies to Messrs Mitchell and Webb here is my list of:

Blog posts I couldn’t be bothered to write:

On not being nocturnal
I’m a morning person, not an evening person. After about 22.30 at night I get sleepy and want to go to bed. If I am forced to stay awake then I regress to a semi-embryonic state of hugging my knees and whimpering. This can be rather limiting to my social life. It does not however mean I am diabetic which was the bizarre conclusion someone once came to when I made my excuses and left a party before everyone else. “Is Liz ok?” She anxiously asked Terry. “She always seems so tired!” I’m fine thanks – I just don’t like staying up late. Let’s see how functional you are at 4 in the morning, because that’s what midnight feels like to me!

False Jeopardy Productions With further apologies to Mitchell and Webb (in the vastly unlikely scenario that they somehow read this : take it as a compliment guys – I think you’re ace!) The essence of drama is conflict.” Thus spake my GCSE Drama teacher. Wise words indeed for understanding the nature of fiction, narrative and how to engage your audience. Reality is not like fiction – it doesn’t generally follow the neat parabola of a story. So the fashion for shoehorning real life into a story template to create drama drives me up the wall. I had ‘Amazing Wedding Cakes’ on the TV earlier, and a cake they were working on got a little bit squished on one corner. All the clichés were there: the thumpy music, the constant replaying of the ‘moment of doom’ in that annoyingly de-coloured effect, and the look of consternation and/or solitary tear running down a cheek. I got close to screaming “It’s a cake – have some bloody perspective” at the TV, but then I thought I’d write a post instead. Except I didn’t.

How to win the Great British Bake Off.
I really enjoyed watching the 3rd series of GBBO, despite its flaws particularly the above False Jeopardy problem. I’m no baker . I love cooking but I like the freedom to play with flavours and textures and quantities. Having to stick rigidly to a recipe is a bit of a turn off for me. That said, by the end of the series I was quite convinced I had a formula which would get you to the semi-finals if not guaranteeing a win. The simple combination of theory and practice. Step one: be a scientist. Baking is essentially chemistry. So if you understand the principles at play you will have greater success. What got me thinking about this was an episode where a contestant agonised over whether to cook something in a bain-marie, and another where someone couldn’t decide if a particular custard should be made with whole eggs or just egg yolks. If you understood enough about the science behind the technique you’d know exactly what to do in a given situation and why. Step two: practice. One of the contestants admitted he’d never made a rough puff pastry before, and avoided using it until he had no choice, at which point the competition was fierce and any screw up could spell disaster. “What? But that’s so basic!” I thought. “How can you go on something like this without having practised the simple stuff first?” So, cook everything you have ever heard of!

First world Problems
My gym is closing. This sucks because I really like my gym and it was really convenient. I don’t know what I’m going to do now. I might go to the local leisure centre but it’s slightly further away and more expensive. But as problems a person in this world might face go, this one is relatively minor. See above re. having some bloody perspective.

If I ever do NaBloPoMo again I may regret having put these 4 unfinished posts up now. Or perhaps I’ll be a more jaded person overall, and I’ll be perfectly happy cannibalising older posts!

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